Painting as connection: connection as self-care

The ultimate connection

First morning with her new-born foal

When you realize that connection is an important part of self-care, a question arises of how to become and stay connected. Of course, there is no one way to become and stay connected, as it is an individual thing. However, it can be helpful to consider this from different aspects: connection to yourself, connection to the natural world or world around you, and connection to others. I can’t address each of these in relation to your personal circumstances, but I can share some of what connection means to me and how I seek to be connected.

Knowing who you are and what you want can be incredibly difficult, especially as one tends to tell little porkies to oneself to feel better and avoid the hard stuff. It’s also easy to adopt masks or disguises when interacting with others, which can be for numerous reasons, such as self-protection, lack of confidence, to meet expectations, to avoid conflict/keep the peace, or just to get through the day. Sometimes we do this to maintain a pleasant—or at least less unpleasant—fiction for and about ourselves. Irrespective of why we do it, it is exhausting to maintain. This exhaustion gradually becomes the norm for our bodies and minds, and we remain unaware of how it is absorbing our energy, health, and happiness. There comes a time when you need to find a way to connect with who you are; that helps you gain a sense of strength that allows you to connect with the world around you and with others (if you so wish).

Being an introvert and lacking confidence, I’ve always had a tendency to retreat into myself, especially in social situations or when expectations were made that I felt I couldn’t meet. But I felt safe with trees, and I felt safe with animals, especially dogs and horses. After finishing university, I lived for a time on the rugged West Coast of New Zealand’s South Island. While there, I had ready access to masses of rainforest, some of which comprised regenerating mining tailings with the odd stand of huge of trees in parts that were not mined. I spent hours roaming these forests with my dog and sketchbooks. I loved the somewhat spooky and shadowed atmosphere among the gnarled roots and tangled undergrowth. Being present with these trees, clambering around them and drawing them made me happy and I felt I belonged. It established a sense of connection. I turned nine tree drawings into oil paintings, which captured what I felt, saw, and experienced among the trees. These paintings became an exhibition at Greymouth’s Left Bank Art Gallery entitled “Forest dreaming.” This took me right out of my comfort zone, but helped me realize that connection with the self was essential, and that I was allowed to be who I was and see the world how I saw it. I didn’t have to pretend to be something I wasn’t to fit in.

Forest dreaming, 2002 (oil on canvas) - the beginnings of my journey to connection

Instead of being a place to hide and escape, painting and drawing became an expression of me; a way to access and make sense of the complex layers of who I am. It offered a way to maintain self-connection and mental balance. My relationship with trees and forested areas continued to develop and I still feel most comfortable near trees. I learned how trees are connected to one another in complex underground infrastructure and ecology, and studied our spiritual and psychological connection with them through symbolism, myth, and folklore. After I lifetime of loving horses, I was finally in a position to add horses to my family, and this opened up a whole new realm of connection; how they were connected with one another, and how they were connected to the land. As horses are a strong thread in myth and folklore, I also delved into these areas and thought about how horses are deeply connected to our psyche.  Over the years, the resulting sense of connection to the natural world and to our archetypal roots has grown stronger, and has emerged as the underlying theme that guides much of my art practice.

In summary, painting is a major part of my self-connection. It allows me space to dream freely and follow ephemeral  thoughts and ideas to nowhere or everywhere. It helps me process things that are happening or new experiences, and maintain an internal balance. It makes me feel refreshed and nourished, even in the face of frustration when a piece is not working out how I want. My subject matter helps me remain connected to the natural world (trees, horses) and to my ultimate origins (mythology, old stories). Through sharing my work, I hope to make meaningful connections with others. Taken together, connecting with the self, with the world around me, and with others is a fundamental component of my self-care, well-being and ongoing personal development.

I encourage you to take time for yourself away from daily pressures and find a means of creative expression. If you already do create, maybe it’s time to commit a little more time or energy, to be braver with it, or to take it a little more seriously in terms of prioritising it. Creativity can be in any form; it doesn’t have to be “art” or even craft related. It doesn’t matter if you think you’re no good at it, the point is to bring something into being that you put a little of yourself into.

I’d love to hear your thoughts, so please comment below or email me (audrey@audreyholmesart.com)

Note: this reflects my personal experience only and is not intended as advice regarding any aspect of your life.